Back in SG

Came back to SG on the 8th of Jan... the purpose of the trip is to:
1) attend sis-in-law's wedding dinners (she has one in SG and another in KL)
2) visit my grandma (who is already 94) in Humen and my brother in HK
3) join in the CNY festivities with families
4) attend JC classmate's wedding at the end of Feb

Will be leaving for Melb on the 5th of Mar though Wilk will leave earlier on the 22th of Feb because term's starting. So this will be a pretty long visit. Thankfully, i managed to get my five year RRV (no tears, no drama, just a very simple letter) without clocking the full two years required. Hence, i can come back with a peace of mind (as oppose to having just a 3mth RRV).

So how does it feels to be back?

Somethings have run through my mind... and in no particular order:

a) The weather & my nose
First thing that struck me when we returned was the humidity. It was pretty bad for the first two days but things became better after it started to rain (and our bodies adjusted). Unfortunately, my nose has also recognized that it is back in SG and my sinus is acting up again. The drier air in Melb has sort of put my nose into hibernation. I hardly sneeze there and was actually enjoying my freedom from not having to wipe my snot with boxes of tissues. The minute i am back... it could be the air, it could be the abrupt changes in temp (aircon room vs non-aircon), whatever it is, i am sneezing like there's no tomorrow whenever i move from one room to another, pick up clothing, step into or out of the car..

And the sneezing makes my nose run... my head fuzzy... and in a short while, my throat parched, my nose red and achy, then the backdrip starts, my throat starts to go... AND if i don't take care of myself (give myself a few dose of Clarinese or something), i end up with yellowish mucous, phelgm and it will be worth a visit or two to the GP. Siggghhhh........ no amount of Vit C helps because this is just the type of nose i am borned with. Whenever i am sick, 90% of the time, starts from the nose.

b) Avery's routines and well-being
I don't think Avery knows the difference between Melb or SG though she obviously knew something is different. Now she is sleeping with me and Wilk, on a mattress beside my old bed in my old bedroom. The time difference initially caused abit of havoc but we try to follow her routines consistently so she has more or less adjusted. It took longer for me to adjust to having to deal with her without all my 'tools' and living out of a suitcase but after 1wk, we managed somewhat. The toughest thing right now is because we are all in the same bedroom (she had her own cot in another room back in Melb), she has taken to 'helping' herself to the milk dispenser (yours truly) as and when she like during the nights. It is getting hard for ME to put her to bed because all she wants to do is nurse to sleep lying next to me, and expecting my boobs to be right next to her whenever she wakes up.

I am wondering how on earth will i get her back to sleep in her own room etc after more than 2 mths of doing this. Wilk and I are toying with the idea of shifting her to my walk-in worerobe area (has a sliding down and own window) but i am abit worry she would be pulling everything out of their shelves etc or hurt herself. Sighhh... and now that she is feeling a little sick (cough, teething, sniffing, slight fever), we better keep her near to us. Doesn't help that alot of people around here are sick as well, including her grandpas (both of them), her dadi and now me...

c) Facing a 'foreign' culture
I am quite aware how 'negative' i seem to be now that i am back. So many things, which may not have bugged me before, is glaringly irritating to me now. I don't know why 1/2 a year makes such a difference but i suspect it is because the last 1/2 year i have been really taking things slow and gotten to enjoy my life in Melb and started to take certain things for granted there.

When i am back here now, i realized how 'out of touch' i am with driving. It is so AGGRESSIVE here! You know the article on the 10 worse driving habits of SG drivers published on last saturday's Weekend Today? Every Single Day, i will come across at least 4-5 examples of the list when i drive. People cutting in without signalling, being tailgated on the expressway(when i am already driving at the limit), getting honked (because i refused to move into a yellow box at the junction where other cars are still having the right of way), motorcyclist zigzagging like maniacs on the roads, cyclists veering into the middle of the lane without indication.... the list goes on and on.

If i didnt mind driving here before, now it vexes me to drive on the roads here. I cannot believe how 'pampered' i must have been by the traffic driving culture in Melb, for me to feel so negative about the driving conditions here. But it is true... sure, there are always some bad drivers but really, i lived in the city and most times, people give way when i signal, adhere to the yellow box rule, keep left unless overtaking... i could go on.. And what's the hurry?? Everyone is almost speeding even when there is a traffic jam. In Melb, when taking 40mins/45mins to get to a destination is considered 'near', i do not understand what's the mad rush when in 45mins, you could get from one end of the island to another (without speeding!).

It is not just the speeding but how people seems to be.. so inconsiderate. Just the other day at Ikea, where i was pleased to find that they have family/pram parking lots, i saw that two out of 4 cars parking in those designated lots have no business using those lots at all. One of the car was driven by a women in her late 30s with a boy who looked like he is 12 or 13. Now, this is a normal healthy boy who does not even required a car seat (much less a stroller) but the mother still blatantly park in the lot meant for families with infants or toddlers, who need to managed their shopping ontop of their child's strollers etc. Well, at least this woman had a child (tween is a more appropriate term) with her, the other car was worse. It was a big MPV, no child seat in sight, driven by this late 40s-early 50s uncle and his wife. They look fairly well-off (car was new) and there is no way that their kids are in toddlerhood nor were they grandparents with children. Two able-bodied adults who again, blatantly parked where they shouldn't, all for the convenience of being nearer to the entrance though there were ample parking just a few lots down. It was impossible that they did not know the purpose of the parking lot because the signs were big and clear. They did looked sort of shifty-eyed and guilty-faced when they saw that i was staring at them while tending to Avery in the car, but the wife just pulled the husband to walk faster to the entrance.

The thing is, there is NO penalty for parking in a family lot, unlike a handicapped lot. This is a case where civil mindedness and good faith comes into play and i am sorry to say, these just do not exist in abundance in this little red dot of a country. Most people looks to their own conveniences and interest first and foremost. Perhaps i am being overly critical... but not once, have i seen the same thing happening in Melb. Even young punks, with their flashy cars, do not park in designated family lots. At least I have never seen it. What's the chances that i will get to see TWO instances, at the same time, at the same place on a relatively quiet weekday afternoon? A friend said i should write to the forum to highlight the problem. But i guess, that's where the paradox lies, i am still behaving pretty much like a Sporean... minding my own business, and just complaining about it. After all, nothing will change right?... or will it?

d) Negativity
That's what wilk said... about my views. Perhaps i am only seeing the 'bad' light in things because i am not happy being in SG. I did think of the things i love about here... my family, friends.. the food, watching movies etc.. perhaps i am not doing enough of what i like about here to 'even things out'. But even then, i suspect it wouldnt make much of a difference because my 'needs' in those areas can still be satisfied to a certain extend in Melb. The pet grouse of people about Melb like not having late nite shopping or missing local food, never did bother me because i am not a shopper and learning to cook what we miss sort of makes up for not having the real thing. Family and friends, i am still keeping in touch with via skype, telephone, internet (wilk calls me the facebookie). I have also made some pretty nice friends in Melb. So... it is all these other things that jumps out at me... and i have to say, it is not pleasant. I hate to be the cliche Sporean (technically, i am not even one but this place has been my home for as long as i can remember) that flew off to another country and come back dissing everything back home. I don't want to stereotype and point fingers but when each day, through my casual interactions with the environment here, i end up frustrated and irritated at others' inconsideration, selfishness and lack of graciousness, i can't help but feel that there are less and less things to like about this place despite their claims to be No. 1 in alot of things. Just the other day, an advert on OKTO, which suggest that children with working parents should be happy for the companionship of a television channel, really strucks home the point that THIS is NOT how i wan't Avery to grow up. Is it me or can no one else see what's so freaking wrong with the advert?

I don't know... perhaps i will feel like i am getting more pleasure out of being in SG when i visit a few more friends and colleagues... or have a few plates of char kuey tiao and char tao kuey. But at this moment, i can say, i am looking forward to going back to Melb....

Things to remember

2009 came and gone.

I think i am getting old. I kept trying to remember this and that... but sometimes things just slipped through my head... as if my brains have holes in them.

For sometime now, i wanted to write down some things i wish to remember about my experience of bringing up Avery... or even things i tell myself to remember that i must try to do with her. I will try to recall them now, before i forget, and hopefully start 2010 with a more organized brain.

1) I always try to have Avery's experiences end positively. I remember there are things that used to make her cry or fearful. Like water going down her head. Or that weird vibrating toy. Or new changes to her routines. Sometimes it is so tempting to just avoid those things that makes her upset but my view on this is, if i make it a habit to constantly remove things that upset her from her environment, i may end up setting up a pattern which will progressively narrow her experiences. And i dont think i want that. So i try to turn negative things into more positive ones.

Most time, when she cry, i would try to calm her down first or distract her. I remember she started to resist bathing because of water on her head all of a sudden (she was quite okie before). This time round, she was crying so badly and just absolutely refused to sit in the tub. I had to hug her (even though i was getting wet myself) for a while before she stop crying and before i could distract her with something handy. Eventually, it took bubbles to get her calm and seated. And then bubbles get replaced by splashes and a longer waiting period between water on her head. Then after the bath is done, i makes sure she does something which i know she will enjoy... like watching pouring water or splashing in the tub. I think when she associate more of the good things with a not-so-good experience, she will learn to cope with them better. Another thing i've learnt, is not letting the crying escalate. Manage it before it gets full-blown. Distraction works sometimes, other times, it may take a cuddle. I dont think i am worried about 'giving in'. I think it is pretty hard to 'reason' with someone when they are all distraught, it is easier when they are calmer so that is my first priority.

2) Sometimes Avery doesn't like certain things, like eating yoghurt, or using a new straw, i feel that it is important to just keep trying (from time to time). I've learnt that having a routine helps when introducing new things, esp edibles to her. Breakfast is the designated 'new things' time because she is often chirpier when she wakes up (as oppose to times before her naps/sleep) and i dont have to worry about her going hungry by rejecting the food since she has a morning milk feed. If i have to start with her just looking at the new object (could be a new cup, a new straw, a new drink - like milk in a cup), that's what she will do. Intermittenly i will give it to her. If she doesn't want it, i will just put it away. I dont want to create too much negative attention to them and have the experience being tagged as negative for her.

More often than not, after a few sessions of this 'gentle' introduction, she starts to give the stuff a try. Of course, a lot of praises and smiling goes along with each 'successful' attempt (dont have to achieve any sort of proficiency). So far this way has been working out well.. that's how i got her to learn how to use a straw by 8 months and drinking from a cup now. Sure, she makes a mess of it if there are too much liquid in the cup but at least she is willing to use the cup and actually showed interest in using them. Once she has the idea and inclination, it is only a matter for her motor skills to be further refined.

3) Sleeping is one of those things which I had struggled with for a while. Avery seemed to have taken a long time before she would sleep through the night. And finally she did so when she turned 1yr old. In this aspect, i gave up my original aversion to using a pacifier for her. When i established that her crying in the night is more for comfort than anything else (i.e. hunger), i decided that she should just have a tutu next to her as and when she needs in the night. After two days of helping her find a tutu when she started to whine, she started to sleep through on her own. Again, i learnt not to let the crying escalate. Some kids can do the CIO method, but Avery unfortunately has the ability to upchuck everything in her stomach the moment she goes full-swing with her crying. Interestingly, her need to suck on the tutu as reduced over the last 2-3 weeks. I think now that she feels secure that there is something which offers her comfort, she no longer needs it as much.

4) I wish for Avery to be fearless when it comes to handling animals/insects etc. I think for her to be so, i will have to set that example. I think she is sort of getting that idea when she sees me handling animals naturally and matter-of-factly. I think it is cool if she has a natural curiousity for the natural world, even if they are creepy-crawlies. One of the things i reminded myself is that once she starts to walk and get mobile, she can go to a farm, park etc and touch and interact with anything she wants. I hope she will get to ride a horse, pet a goat, milk a cow, catch a beetle and touch a snake without fear.

Of course i think it is important to learn about safety and caution but i believe that these lessons can be learn as the child start to develop reasoning skills. Natural delight and curiousity and fearlessness are not lessons that are easy to teach a rational mind. I dont want to kill that childlike wonder by being too overly cautious when she is actively experiencing the world for the first time. And as a first time parent, it is so natural to just want to 'protect'... i really hope that i will remember not to rush into the 'protective' mode and learn to guide Avery in the way i envisage.

5) Must remember to do art and crafts with her!!! Of course Dadi will be a better person to do so. And i would so love to see what sort of things she will come up with. Wilk seems to think she is interested in music. Even though i am not for buying a piano (digital one la) because i am not so sure it justify the expense (since i am not that great a piano player myself), i wonder if perhaps she might enjoy it. She certainly seems like she did (20mins just banging on my friend's piano). She also enjoys tinkering on her xylophone and seems to have a ear for music. But when i think about it rationally, none of these behaviour are 100% indicative that she has some especial interest in music. Could be just want of those 5min thing that all kids do.

I am not incline to feel that my kiddo is 'gifted' in the musical area because she could do the first 3 'la la la' sort of in tune (there's actually a 'tune' and not just monotonous la las), goes to the ABC arch whenever i sing ABC, actually hit each of the xylophone bars individually with the stick (as oppose to running it up and down haphazardly) and pick and chooses the songs she likes to listen to on the iphone (right now, she likes the potty song and everybody song). I think i will still expose her to different music and all... but will just hold on the piano for the time being. Or perhaps i should just start to practise myself. Hmmm...

6) I have been pretty lax in any sort of actual 'learning'. I mean the book/flashcard-based learning. The other day, wilk just mentioned that we should do more since we are at home. The unfortunate thing is... i am really not good in teaching those things because, i am not quite that sort of 'repetitive' teaching sort of person. I get bored easily. I half suspect that if i am more diligent with it, Avery would get them pretty fast. After all, she got the animals on her playmat pretty quickly (she surprised me with a few which i didnt even knew she knew). And those i'd taught her in passing for a laugh (i was doing animal sounds for her which makes her laugh... alot). Hmm perhaps i am short-changing her because she is not going to appear very smart alongside her peers if all she could do is mooo like a silly cow, like her Mami.

I think... if she likes something, she will learn them in time so i am quite okie to just let things be as they are. Yes, we will probably still joke that she has lost a few IQ points from her falls off the bed but i think she is okie. Probably not a genius (or in the SG context, 'gifted') and if she is, great, bonus for us. But frankly, if it's a choice, i would rather she be street-smart and happy. There are alot of things which i hope she'd learn which are not taught in books, such as courage, kindness, gentleness, being loving, friendship, curiousity, sense of adventure, independence, empathy, humility... the list goes on. If she has all that... and end up with less 'formal' knowledge, i think i am okie with it. I will be heartbroken if she has learnt nothing of what i've listed but does well in all her exams.

Well.. that's what i want to remind myself so far.

We are only at year 1... 2010 will be our year 2 with Avery. I hope i remember some of these lessons i have learnt or aspired to do. Perhaps i will have more insights along the way and if so, let's hope i remember to write them down!